Chapter Two in On Fire presents the choice of denial vs. self-acceptance. John talks about trying to hide his scars because he wanted to be normal (whatever that means!). He didn't want to be seen as different or damaged or broken, so he covered up his physical scars, didn't talk about his emotional scars, and buried his spiritual scars. He thought if he just moved on and acted like the fire had never happened, everything would be fine.

It wasn't fine for him and it's not fine for us. Each of us have unique experiences that have shaped us into who we are today. Each of us has pain, sorrow, grief, happiness, laughter, and joy. Each of us has overcome challenges, witnessed miracles, and walked with courage.

As we accept all of these experiences and integrate them into our stories, not only do we become more whole, we also become more connected with others. Sharing the triumphs and tragedies of our lives allows us to be truly seen and truly known. This opens the hearts of those around us to allow themselves to be seen and known. In that seeing, in that knowing, love, connection, and hope flow.

One of the most powerful ways to move into self-acceptance is through gratitude. When we see our challenges through the lens of gratitude, the gifts and miracles and growth become easier to comprehend. This article on the neuroscience of gratitude is full of fantastic information about what happens in our brains as we foster a practice of gratitude.

Another aid to self-acceptance is understanding who we are, what unique strengths we have, and how we can bless the world for good by showing up as our unique selves. Some tools in that discovery process are tests that help us understand personality, energy type, and love languages.

This story of Rick and Dick Hoyt, a dad and a son, accepting who they are, what challenges are uniquely theirs, and then conquering them inspires me every time I watch it. The Hoyts could have lived in denial and put their son away in an institution as that was strongly encouraged at the time, but instead they chose to accept their situation and move forward with gratitude and determination. Their story has inspired millions to live with courage and to love better.

What scars are you hiding? What experiences bind you in shame? How could these be transformed by dosing them with gratitude? How could they bless others if you shared them? How could your life change if you embraced your challenges and let yourself shine with the power of your own uniqueness?

Assignments

Write down 50 amazing things about you!
Develop a nightly gratitude practice. Ask yourself what you can be grateful for in the hard stuff of your life.
Take a gratitude walk. Make a special effort to appreciate your surroundings, smell the trees, flowers, and dirt, notice a beautiful building or a soothing breeze.
Figure out what your personality type is by taking the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator from one of the links on your assignment sheet.
Learn your love language.
Make a list of at least 10 strengths of your personality type and/or love language.
Write down a desired habit and apply the 1st Law of Atomic Habits to Make it Obvious.
Watch A Million Miles Away and come prepared to discuss it at class.
Get the book Anne of Green Gables, start reading it, and be prepared to discuss it on October 27.

Week Three: Denial vs. Self-Acceptance

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